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Starting the Conversation:
How hard is it to create win-win situations?
Host: Jess Dewell
Co-host: Dr. Marlene Bizub
What You Will Hear:
Love your children as much as you hate your ex.
How we recognize a sticky/emotional situation and what we can do to navigate it.
Every conversation you have is modeling what you think and how you feel to those around you.
When you tolerate, you condone it.
Stand true to your values and your boundaries.
Negotiation is multi-faceted.
Know what you really can do about it.
Our work is influenced by what’s happening at home.
#VBBRadio: What would be your advice to deal with uncompromising people. Is win-win even possible?
Know what’s non-negotiable and give in every other area you can
#VBBRadio: Is divorce ever not an option? If not, what are typical triggers that indicate divorce is the better option?
The importance of a 3rd party to bring insight and perspective.
We feel the pressure to move forward quickly. How do we slow down to speed up?
Remember the good about the person you are in conflict with.
We aren’t taught how to breakup well (or create new partnership well).
Your process includes people that don’t have a seat at the table. Why that is important.
#VBBRadio: Whether in business, marriage or divorce, Isn’t it just all about good negotiation skills?
It is BOLD take the time to create win-win solutions.
Notable and Quotable:
Dr. Marlene Bizub 8:42
However you’re talking with your child here about the other parent, they are probably talking that way about you in the other parent’s home. So you want to watch how you train your children to talk. Because if you’re negative, and gossipy, and derogatory with you about the other parent, they’re going to be that way there towards you.
Dr. Marlene Bizub 12:36
When you tolerate something, you are, in essence, condoning it.
Dr. Marlene Bizub 13:31
Sometimes what isn’t said is louder than what is said.
Jess Dewell 13:42
When we know our values, and we stand by those values, we’re able to at least show up in a situation. Where if we don’t speak up, it’s obvious we’re not speaking up. But we’re also not condoning something that we don’t like.
Jess Dewell 17:21
I don’t necessarily think that a company, small or large, is interested in controlling time or having people clock in or out. I think they’re interested in having clarity of what happens in each situation. And where do you have control? And where do you not have control? What can you influence, and what can you recognize, I can’t influence
Dr. Marlene Bizub 18:24
Convey to your children the beliefs and behaviors and actions and attitudes that you want your children to have, rather than putting down that other parent. Just create the environment and the attitude and structure your household that you want your children to embrace.
Jess Dewell 20:05
It’s interesting to me that people who think that they are just negative about one situation have no concept. They are negative in every situation just a little less so.
Dr. Marlene Bizub 20:28
Often we don’t realize how much our work is influenced by what’s going on in our personal life.
Dr. Marlene Bizub 20:39
So you go into work. You’re emotionally distraught. Who do we usually talk to? Our co workers. We talk to them about whatever’s going on. It affects not only our own productivity, because we often think about the productivity of the person going through that. It affects everyone and everyone’s productivity, not just that person who’s going through it.
Jess Dewell 21:31
You don’t know who you’re talking to. Your friend today could be your boss later. And your friend today could be your subordinate later. Depending on how that friendship is and what types of things have been sharing, there’s now a new dynamic that has to be navigated, very similarly to backtrack, separate, gain independence and awareness, to relate differently to a new situation. This is very similar to what you would face in a family change.
Dr. Marlene Bizub 23:18
If you give when it doesn’t matter, you’ll get when it matters. So if you’ve got that uncompromising person, give as much as you can give, because that makes it harder for them to say “no” when the time comes that you really need something.
Dr. Marlene Bizub 32:19
Like they say, you want to watch what you wish for because it might happen. And it might not then be what you thought it was going to be.
Dr. Marlene Bizub 37:03
There was a lot of things that were intertwined in a partnership, whether it’s marriage, business partnership, whatever it is. There’s a lot that went into it, so a lots got to be unpacked,
Jess Dewell 41:24
Whether we’re blending families, or we’re becoming business partners, or we’re accepting a job offer that has very specific requirements, we come with our own non-negotiable,. They come with their own non-negotiable. Our families on each side of those that we’re going to be working with and don’t know yet, come with non-negotiables. And we’re typically not thinking about those things, even at the beginning when we’re setting up, when we’re creating a union in any capacity.
Dr. Marlene Bizub 43:30
Yes, making your list of “these are non-negotiable.” And then make your list of where you’ve got some wiggle room. And then, I even tell people, “make a third list and don’t share it, of things that you don’t care about at all.” But if you share what you don’t care about, you can’t effectively use it to negotiate.
Dr. Marlene Bizub 44:45
It’s not the deal you get. It’s the deal you think you get
Dr. Marlene Bizub 47:30
It’s easy to talk about what I agree with you on. And it’s difficult to challenge or be oppositional, which is really not oppositional. But that’s how we perceive it is. If I don’t agree with you, you’re going to feel I’m opposing you. So I’m not going to talk about those things. And we don’t realize that that’s what people are really doing.
Dr. Marlene Bizub 48:51
I’ve heard judges say, “If both parties walk out feeling like they really lost, then it was probably pretty fair.” But we measure things based on what way we wanted it to go. What we gained or what went our way. We measure things on that, and we don’t realize that the other person had to give. And so you have to give too. It’s not all going to be your way.
equity work, compassion, communication, awareness, negotiation, body language, productivity, emotional intelligence