Facing uncertainty can be challenging – being a business owner facing uncertainty is tougher.
Red Direction helps you [fast track and] grow your business – authentically, pragmatically, and resiliently.
Starting the conversation:
Your commitment to supporting your team is more complex than ever before. The ability to help others move through tough situations comes from knowing your own boundaries and the boundaries around the way your company completes work. Dr. Cassandra LeClaire, Communication Consultant, talks about how compassion and boundaries work together to create high-performance teams.
The way we approach our work — identify then solve a problem, reduce costs, produce more, and follow a process for efficiency — can impact the short term. To adapt and flex with change, we must add emotional intelligence. The result from actively opening communication is that relationships deepen and everyone influences the way people complete work together.
In this broadcast, hear about: how to ask for what you want so others know how to support you; the fact that acting with compassion can look different every day; and how healthy boundaries reflect our goals and values. Jess Dewell and Dr. Cassandra LeClaire, Communication Consultant, discuss the importance of healthy boundaries and bringing more compassion to each day.
Host: Jess Dewell
Guest: Dr. Cassandra LeClair
What You Will Hear:
The look and sound of compassion in action is your desire to help others get to a better place.
Give support to others – in the way they can be served by that support.
Ways to learn how to ask for exactly what you want with kindness and clarity.
It is your responsibility to discern what you need so you know how and who to ask.
BE and DO compassion means every situation will likely be different from what you have done before.
Boundaries are important and can work for you and those around you in a healthy way.
Uncomfortable is part of the process.
Don’t let coping become a habit.
Boundaries are your goals and values.
Additionally, for the Fast Track Your Business Today Uncut conversation:
More time is needed at the beginning when practicing compassion.
Each time you start over, you are filled with more experience and knowledge to work with!
There can be patterns we do not want to change.
Track the moments in your day and use that as an indicator to how much you are showing up compassionately.
Hear Dr. Cassandra LeClair’s framework to create a morning space to connect with yourself that is intentionally designed.
Model your boundaries and invite others to try out or join in with you.
Know what you need for time: space, schedule, time blocks… and make sure you include recovery, creativity, and generative.
It is BOLD To set boundaries and become more compassionate.
Welcome. This is the Bold Business Podcast. Your business has many directions it can travel. The one true direction of your company creates the journey for you to move toward a new, exciting level. We call this the Red Direction. In today’s program, we delve into one idea. The idea will support you as you work on ever-present situations, including how to stay competitive in a changing market, how to break through the business plateau, and how to anticipate the changing expectations of your stakeholders. Jess Dewell is your guide. Jess brings you a 20-year track record of business excellence, where strategy and operations overlap. Your Path comes from consistently working from the special place. Your unique True North. Now, here’s Jess.
Jess Dewell 00:51
Hi, and welcome to the Bold Business Podcast. You know why you’re here you are looking for inspiration, you are thinking about a problem you are solving and you are proactively learning, investing in yourself taking the time to hear what other people have been going through experiencing showing up ideas and thoughts because they’re probably something that we can use to where we are and how we’re showing up in this world to be able to do our best achieve our goals. And most importantly, do it in a productive way infinity that win-win-win fashion instead of at a cost or to the detriment of so with that concept of infinity with that idea. What does compassion really mean? And where and how and what and why would we even think about that in business? Because you know what your thoughts of business are? You know what the thoughts have been, and you know that we’re in a shift. So this is the conversation that I am having with Cassandra LeClaire today, she is an award-winning professor, author, Communication Consultant, and she’s also a motivational speaker. Being an expert on communicating feelings and improving connections is something that has always been of interest to me too. And when she and I first met, the concept of compassion and business showed up, and that’s why we’re here today. So not only do we get to learn from her greatness, not only do we get to you get to listen to this conversation sparked around compassion. You also get to learn from this person who understands on an international level, the importance of communication, so that regardless of where we are, who we are, what we are, when we are, we can take aligned action and embody our own personal power. Dr. Liu Claire’s mission is to educate individuals on how to understand their communication patterns, to have effective and healthy relationships, conversations, interactions, that enhance not only their personal lives and their person, but their professional lives, too. Cassandra, welcome to the show.
Cassandra LeClair 03:10
Thank you so much for having me, I’m really excited that I get this chance to have this conversation with you.
Jess Dewell 03:16
You know, and when we first met, and it was on both of our minds, actually, in that conversation, this concept of compassion, so how about if we root in a shape of what compassion is, generally, as we narrow down in to whatever shows up in our conversation today? So in general, how do you describe compassion? And what does it look sound and feel like?
Cassandra LeClair 03:41
You know, the way I like to help people understand compassion is, you know, when you think about empathy, you think about being able to understand where another person situation, even if you haven’t had that same experience, and where compassion goes then is not only understanding or seeking to understand that person’s experience, but having that desire to want to help them move through it. And now that doesn’t mean that you’re the person who has to help them get over everything. But you truly are having again, compassion, having an understanding of wanting somebody situation to improve to get better. And when you think about that, in terms of you know, your friends and family members, of course, that makes sense, right? You want to help them through difficult times. But when you broaden this out and you think about even the collective and in our society, it’s that’s when we start to feel that true healing and true empowerment can come through because we’re not only understanding and seeking to listen to other people’s experiences, but we truly want them want their situation to improve. We truly want them to be on a better path. And a lot of the areas of compassion to then they take away some of these things that we naturally fear feel in our lives, you know, the competitiveness, the jealousy, the taking things personally. So having compassion, you know, it’s not just for other people, though, as Unitas Guess we have to start with compassion for ourselves too. And so that’s why sometimes we have difficulty with this because we don’t know how to do it for ourselves. And we also don’t know how to show that to other people.
Jess Dewell 05:11
And it comes out clunky and awkward and Miss misperceived. As you were talking all of the people in my world, when I’m having a hard time, personally, professionally, a little problem or a big problem, you’re, you were making that description. And this person showed up, and I was like, Oh, now I see, they were just trying to help me. Oh, now I see this person over here was just trying to help me. It doesn’t help in the moment, though.
Cassandra LeClair 05:41
And you know what, to speak to that one of the things that we do often when we provide support to others, we give them the type of support, we would want to receive that of truly understanding and working to give them the type of support that they need, or that feels good to them. So it really is compassion is such an exercise of our emotional intelligence. Because it’s not just enough to be like, well, I care about people. That’s wonderful. And that’s a that you should, yes, but it’s really tuning in and understanding, okay, if I care about other people, how can I care about them in a way that makes them feel good? Instead of that is just for me? Or what’s my go-to that feels comfortable to me? Or natural to me? Mm-hmm.
Jess Dewell 06:23
And flipping that mirror inside? How do we know? How we naturally want to be helped? Is it let’s look and see how we offer to help others. Or is there something else we need to consider? When we’re, when we’re taking stock of Well, part of compassion is also being able to communicate being able to say, hey, Cassandra, I’m having a hard time. And can you just listen to me? Yeah. Right. So what because I have a part of that responsibility to, to be able to say, I know what I need. So it’s not wrong, and in fact, helpful to be able to ask for that is absolutely not wrong.
Cassandra LeClair 07:10
And I wish more people would understand that and would be better at that. Because it is something where we so often become frustrated or resentful at other people for how they’re showing up for us, instead of using those as opportunities to help teach other people how to show up for us, people are different, they don’t have the same needs as you, they don’t have the same desires as you. And honestly, none of us have the same needs and desires. And across every situation. We really think about it in terms of I do need to tell other people what I need in this moment. And for some people, that feels very scary, because we’re not very in touch with our needs. We are not very good at stating what we need. yet. So often we feel alone, or we feel like other people aren’t there to help us or they’re not doing it right. And so something you know, just like you said, and I employ this tactic, with friends with family members, and it work exactly what you said, Okay, I’m having a hard day right now, I just need you to listen, are you available? I actually need help with this problem. Could you give me some insight, you know, and really understanding what you need in that moment? And your question, you know, you might not know. And so this is where, again, if somebody, maybe you don’t realize that you want to just vent to somebody, so perhaps they start offering you all this advice, or all these suggestions. It’s okay to think them and say, I can see you’re offering me advice and suggestions right now. And I’m, I don’t feel ready for that right now. I’m realizing that I need you to listen to me in this moment. Is it okay? If you listen to me, instead of offering me advice, you know, really being able to articulate that, and it’s scary, it honestly is scary for people to say those things, it feels vulnerable. And even things like you know, if you’re having a problem, telling somebody, I don’t need you to solve this problem right now. But I really need to talk about it. And instead of getting upset with other people for how they’re showing up, also kind of having an understanding of, you know, you chose to talk to this person, probably because you know, that they care about you, and you know that they love you right or you know that they respect you or whatever it is. So when they’re trying to show up for you, they might not know how, so you are helping them understand how to be there for you. And so if it is confusing, you know, you don’t always know the best thing that I tell people is think about those moments, the different types of scenarios that you’ve had. And when have you felt seen, heard and valued, you know, what has made you feel loved, what has made you feel respected? And you will start to notice that you have differences right across different situations, you have differences depending on the type of subject matter or the type of person that it might be dealing with. And even in times of day, you know, something might bother you at a different time then, you know, if it’s in the morning, it might slide off your back easily, but by the end of the day, it might be something that’s more troublesome. So really tuning in and understanding for yourself, not only what do I need in this moment, but then who is the best person for me to go to for that? So for example, I have friends who I would never ever ask to just comfort be, because they’re not good at that. Like, that is not their go-to. But I know if I’m like, I need a, I need a problem solver right now, or I need somebody to tell it like it is that I’m going to call this friend, you know, so it’s also okay to recognize that not everybody can be all of those things to you. But they shouldn’t have to be right. I’m not everything for somebody else, either. So what this can really do is be so empowering because it helps you understand, you know what types of support you have in your life, it helps you understand who you can reach out to in different situations. And then it also helps you really hone in and see how you’re showing up for the people in your life. So I think there’s so much beauty that can come from this. But we have to be willing to take those first steps and really tune into our needs and be honest about them too with other people. And again, it doesn’t feel good all the time. It’s the little, little scary for most people.
Jess Dewell 11:07
And so then let’s and I’m going to take like a baby step out, because I’m thinking, nobody I know knows how to do that. And I probably do what you just talked about, like 10% of the time. So it’s a skill I recognize, and it is uncomfortable at this price. So if I’m on this journey of new student, or really well on my way journeying through this, I don’t think I’m on the journey yet. I’m still learning what I need to pack, right? And so I can, I can honor that. And I can see that. And then I’m like, Well, what if somebody actually knew what they wanted from me and asked for just that? But based off of what I knew about that friend, I wanted to show up in a different way. Well, now I’m like, ooh, ego, oh, expectation? Oh, what are all of these things that show up? And would I be offended? And the answer is, maybe, which is probably why I’m scared to ask somebody because I don’t want to offend them, or put them off or put them out or make them feel bad. And I actually don’t think they would be I think I’m imposing what I think on them.
Cassandra LeClair 12:12
That’s such a great point. I mean, that is absolutely it. So often, we are fearful of the perceptions of other people. We don’t want them to take something personally, we don’t want them to then feel like we have are not appreciative of the ways that they have been there for us. And so honestly, one of the things that I tell people is say that then, you know, say that, say I appreciate that you have been here for me, and I love the way that you have shown up for me, I’m learning more about myself, I’m learning more how to ask for what I need in different moments. Sometimes I might come to you and tell you I need something different than what you’re providing. To me. That doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. That doesn’t mean you’re not awesome. It means that in this moment, I need something different. And I’m working on articulating that.
You’re listening to the Bold Business Podcast. We will return to the show soon. But first, I want to take a moment and give you a peek into what additional services and solutions you could access to Fast Track Your Business. This program was created to develop your capacity on demand by sharing insights, tips, as well as lessons learned by business leaders, unedited and uncut. And we don’t just stop there. There are three additional benefits to help you reach your growth goals. You will also have unlimited access to one, hearing tips and insights to develop yourself as a leader to get better results more often. Two, experiencing viewpoints from many different business leaders. Three, receiving frameworks to build core competencies and to more effectively focus on business growth and leadership. Altogether, The Fast Track Your Business program will allow you to face uncertainty, anytime, anywhere. You can access what will become your most versatile tool in your toolkit by going to FastTrackYou BusinessToday.com. Now back to Jess.
Jess Dewell 14:06
For all of you listening out there, what we’ve been talking about so far really is are you successful in getting what you need from people with the least amount of resistance and the most amount of connection. Is that a good way to summarize that? Absolutely. Okay. And so when we’re thinking it from that way, if we’re not if we don’t like that, then we’re talking about we have a pattern we have a place to explore and that’s what Dr. LeClaire has been telling us and sharing with us all of these different elements to work from. Now, I’m going to take the next step because there’s this journey that I go through, right and it shows up in a lot of different ways. So I’m wondering if it applies here. The next step is, oh, I’m in the middle of it. Now and you actually mentioned this a little bit so I might be I’m extra aware I’m extra anxious. I’m extra emotional inside Um, capacity out there. And I recognize I’m in a pattern I want to change. Sometimes I can and sometimes I can’t. And this is where a lot of grace this, yes, because we entered the roller coaster we got on the ride. And now we’re like, well, we gotta go with what’s on the track in front of us until we get done. And I think that’s where a lot of people stop. I know, on the business side, when when we’re doing different things, that we’re working towards goals and building new habits and doing that kind of stuff in terms of leadership, things. That’s the place where a lot of people back out, they step back, and they’re like, I’m not ready for those shoes. I’m not ready for that. And, and that’s a really great thing to know. Because there are other things that could be worked on. However, that thing and what you’re talking about here, I really do feel this, and please tell me if I’m wrong, that whatever that is that’s holding them back over here in their business. The, we can be emotionally intelligent and not do it well. And so until we see it and do it, we also have an upper limit that we will bump up against until we’re ready to break through.
Cassandra LeClair 16:08
Absolutely, absolutely. And so much of this is they are connected, it is intertwined. You know, we love to think we can separate our business life from our personal life, but you’re the same person showing up in each one, right? That’s right, really working to understand those patterns, those themes, those preferences, your insecurities, the ways that you manage things, how you ask for help. And all of these things can be, you know, obstacles that we have in front of us. And so often, we stop ourselves because of those past experiences exactly what you’re saying, because of responses that we’ve probably gotten, or because of then fear of how we might get responses in the future, or because we don’t know how to do something we don’t know how to ask for that help. Or we, we know we need help, but we don’t know what kind of help so we just don’t ask. So there are so many ways that you know, really working through some of these things and understanding as you’re working through them that you don’t have to have all the answers that every day it might look different. And it’s okay, then to sit with some of these things and say, Okay, I don’t know what I need in this moment, or I do know, I need help. So is there a space where I can just state exactly that? Is there somebody I can go to? Or is there a resource where I can start thinking about? Alright, what is my next step here? Or what could this potentially look like? And you know, the thing about a lot of this is, it’s it’s similar to when I teach about boundaries. So often, we don’t know what our boundaries are until they’re crossed, right? And yes, so red flag boundary. So this is similar to that, you know, you oftentimes don’t know what you need until you’re faced with something you don’t need or don’t want. And then you’re like, No, not that. So really using that then as a tool for yourself, okay? That’s what happened in this situation that really frustrated me, or that irritated me or I did not like that. Okay, so instead of villainizing, that person or that scenario, bring it back to yourself a little bit and say, Okay, what about that person’s response? Or what about that scenario, did make me uncomfortable, or did frustrate me, you know, kind of removing the person from it a little bit too, right? Chances are, it’s probably that small amount about that person, and a larger amount about some relational history or emotional history that you’ve had. And so really being able to think, Okay, I didn’t like it because of this person’s tone, or I didn’t like it because of the way that this person tried to solve problems that felt controlling, or whatever it is, you know, and that’s, again, not as a way to really you know, shame yourself for how you’re showing up or to villainize somebody else. But I like to really look at this as you are gathering data that helps you become more powerful in articulating your needs and expressing yourself.
Jess Dewell 18:58
And doing it in a healthy safe way. That doesn’t actually in real life. knock somebody else down. Yeah. And that’s huge. Yeah, that is, I’m so glad you brought up boundaries. That’s it’s such a big part. Because I, I’ll tell you what part of and I know I’m using a lot of me in this, but it’s only because it’s easier to either me generally, or me personally, and this isn’t me personally, me personally. I grew up where boundaries were not allowed. In any sense, personal space, mental space, emotional space, you name it there. There was something that was always like, Nope, this is not allowed here. And so I don’t actually I it’s going to be a lifelong process for me to understand not only Well, what is a boundary, what’s a healthy boundary, and everything feels weird to me. When I say I don’t want something. I automatically think it’s my fault. And so I want to honor everybody else out there who maybe not to the same level that I do but reckon it’s not when we think when we see something we don’t like it is not our fault. It is. There’s a reason that we don’t like it. And that’s the reason that we’re all different people. Yeah. We have to have all kinds don’t wait. Dr. LeClaire?
Cassandra LeClair 20:19
We absolutely do. And that’s the boundaries are very difficult for me as well. And that’s one of the reasons I do love to teach about them and work on them so much with other people because they’re very challenging. And for so many of us, we weren’t taught how to do them, we weren’t taught what that looks like. And especially for women, they’re typically, you know, taught to serve other people be the compassionate caretaker and what have you. So this idea of really reflecting upon your own needs, and being able to set boundaries, it does feel like a foreign concept. And most people start to feel selfish, or if they, you know, set a boundary, they feel like they’re being rude or aggressive. And or if somebody has a need, they feel like they’re being needy. And so this, this talk about boundaries is really important for people to recognize, again, your boundary is your yes and your No, and that is unique to you. And not everybody else is going to have that same yes or that same No. So it’s understandable that not everybody is going to know exactly what your boundary is, they’re not going to necessarily know how to respect it unless you can talk to them about it, right? So that that uncomfortable space we get into where we know we want to boundary or you can even feel it sometimes in your chest, sometimes.
Jess Dewell 21:29
We’re talking about I’m like, oh, that’s probably a conversation I should have.
Cassandra LeClair 21:36
It is a very difficult practice. And that’s what I also want to honor people just as you said, as you’re going through this, some of these concepts sounds so simple, and it sounds so easy. But if it were, we wouldn’t be here having this conversation. So much of this too, you have to give yourself grace for the unlearning you have to do. We didn’t learn this as children. So you have had decades, these other coping patterns of, of practicing things in other ways. So you have to retrain yourself. And that’s retraining not only the words that you say, but the way your brain thinks and the way your body responds, that’s a lot.
Jess Dewell 22:15
It is a lot. And then you take that and I’m going to jump sideways. And in this sideways jump, I’m thinking about the business owners, the executives, the people who are leading departments of people. And now you take this whole cow, well, this is all this is complex for me. And I have five people, I have 25 people, I have 50 people that I am responsible for, to, to guide them all toward this goal that we’re working toward. And it, I’m gonna say cracks me up, it cracks me up because you touched on it. It’s it almost feels like the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, to get it right every time in the moment. And you want and the more people there are the harder that becomes an online Well, why not? Right.
Cassandra LeClair 23:10
And it’s so fun. When I started doing boundaries workshops for companies. I, you know, I pitched this to a few company owners, and they’re like, We don’t want our people to have boundaries, what if, you know, there was not well received. And I was like, let me come in. And let me show you what I mean. And what I meant was teaching people to articulate those boundaries, having their employees understand how to show up how to talk to other people how to respect other people’s boundaries, how to then go and ask for the things that they needed, how to articulate some of the things that were missing. And so you know, we’re in this workshop, and afterwards, the, the people who were hesitant, were like, oh, and then a few months later, talking to me again, and seeing how much easier it felt for them. Because now instead of them, you know, these people who were managing others, just like you said, instead of them trying to guess, instead of them trying to put out fires constantly, instead of them, you know, wondering what everybody was thinking. It changes the culture, if everybody is aware of you know, here’s how we’re working to articulate things, here’s how we are working to actually tell other people what we need, instead of being resentful that somebody didn’t do it. Here’s how we’re going to show up in this situation, here’s how we can set boundaries and so by not you know, empowering employees to do that and then also modeling that from the top down it it sounds like it’s harder you know that or sounds like more work but really what you’re doing then is you’re giving everybody again a little bit of power over the their, their own, you know situation, and you’re also allowing them to see oh wait, other people have a different mindset on this. Oh, wait, that person wasn’t just ignoring me for three days because they didn’t respond to my email this is what was happening, you know, really gets people thinking about things differently in a business sense. And I think that we’re very misguided to leave out some of these personal development things out of our business culture, because we are people first. First learning how to employ some of these interpersonal tactics into our business, it does reduce a lot of the stress and anxiety uncertainty, it does reduce people taking things personally and getting frustrated with other people. So then guess what, you’re happier at work. And what happens when you’re happier at work, you’re more motivated, you know, business productivity rises, like it doesn’t hurt people. So it’s interesting to see this shift. And this is my mission is to keep going with this because it can make business a lot less stressful for people across many different levels.
Jess Dewell 25:54
And there are so many things that want to come out of my face, okay? So I’ll say, and this was a great lateral jump. And with it, I saw and I heard and I felt with everything that you were saying, I know how to prioritize certain things so that we can get the right work done at the right time, I know how to now ask better questions of my people, so that I can make sure that we truly have the capacity, I think we do, I can see them stepping up, which means I’m not responsible for my job and their job. They’re responsible for their job and understand how they fit to the bigger mission, they get it and they’re ready to be pulled in their wagon in our train here, instead of me pulling all of the wagons and hoping they stay in. Mm-hmm. And so there are so an operationally investment wise of how and when and what do we do for our infrastructure? What are our capital expenditures? What does this actually mean for the way we get to serve our customers, because you’re talking about the internal stuff, and I also see the ripples out the ripples out are people will have the opportunity to speak up and say, I have had this request every so often. And it’s been happening for a while, and it seems easy to do is it really easy to do. And now we get really good ideas coming from everywhere that can be filtered. And they can be prioritized and put into this longer-term vision that keeps the company on mission, the way that we do our work, the way that we do our work. And so we’ve talked about boundaries we’ve talked about we started with compassion, and then we moved to boundaries. There’s a big part of goals that seems to be in here. Because if I guess if it doesn’t align with our goals, personally or professionally, or as a company, it probably accidentally gets moved down, we may understand the importance, but our actions will deprioritize it. And so out do you think we tie this to goal setting and initiatives that we must complete, to move forward to develop ourselves? And the things that we should be looking for to ensure we’re not accidentally D prioritizing this important work?
Cassandra LeClair 28:22
Well, and that’s a wonderful question. And it’s interesting because boundaries actually come from our goals and our values. You know, that’s, it’s our goals for relationships, it’s our goals for how we want to be treated. It’s our goals for how we want other people to show up for us, and our needs and our values, you know, what we need from relationships? So this is absolutely in business, not just in a personal sense. So what are your goals for your business? And what boundaries do you need to set to make those goals happen? So boundaries aren’t just for other people, boundaries are for ourselves, we have to have that internal motivation, we have to have that understanding. You know, some people call it discipline, but it’s also I don’t like that word. But it’s those internal boundaries. And so bringing it back to that, you know, when we get frustrated because we’re not achieving our goals, sometimes we shame ourselves, oh, I should have worked harder. Oh, if I would have done this instead. Oh, if I would have prioritized that. Okay, that’s about then looking at those things, what are your goals? And what boundaries do you need to set for yourself on your time or on your energy on your financial situation or across many different concepts? Right? So it’s, it’s not at all separate. These things have been intertwined from you know, the beginning of time, but we just have to change the way that we’re looking at them. So again, so frequently when, when goals aren’t met, or when we feel like we’re not meeting you know, our, our business trajectories or what have you. We want to look at external sources or this is why or that is why, and I’m not saying we should bring all this shame Once upon ourselves, and it’s all, all our faults and things like that, but sometimes it is really helpful to have that reflection and say, okay, you know, how did I show up in this process? Where was I in alignment? Where was I setting clear boundaries? Where was I actually going after my goals in different ways? And where did I falter a little bit? Where did I maybe Oh, compromised my value here, or I misplaced, you know, went around a boundary over here, or I pushed this to the side. And again, I really don’t want people to then become upset and go into the shame spiral about all the things they did wrong. That’s not healthy or helpful, but really understanding, okay, if there is space here to make changes, what do I want that to look like? And what is going to feel good to me, instead of getting to the end of another project, shaming yourself again, because of the same thing happened, or I didn’t meet this deadline, or I’m always coming up against this pressure, or I meant to reach out to that person. And in some of that energy, energy that we have, is what’s preventing us from reaching those goals? Yes. Oh, sure.
Jess Dewell 31:06
Right, it takes up your headspace, your heart space, your gut space. And if you have all of that going on, distraction in one place, is distraction everywhere. I mean, I’ve Okay, they’re, they’re just as something in the air. Right now. I’ve had three phone calls, unexpected phone calls, clients are like, I need to talk to you right now. And they have something unusual that is showing up that is taking them out of their day-to-day that is hijacking. They’re calling it their time. It’s actually their hijacked. So time is going by so their head, their heart, or their gut is the thing that got hijacked. And it’s they can’t they’re calling it a distraction. And I tried to reframe it for each one of them differently. And the sense though, was, well, here’s your reframe. There’s a really big clue. There’s something to be done here. You just have to find out, is it now or later? Is an hour later, because if it’s now Kuwait, if it’s later, you can put it on the shelf and come back to it. Yeah. And take a break, let something out and recognize that’s really loud over there. I mean, anybody with children or vocal pets, knows that sometimes, they’re going to just stand around and be loud. Anyway, we can say that about adults, too. I was trying to not put the reflection on us personally. But maybe I’ll claim mine. Sometimes I’m just loud. And so recognizing that that’s part of the process is okay. Because it makes it makes sense in the grand scheme of things. It’s there. It’s a clue. We just have to decide what the clue is. Or can we? Is it a clue for now or later, right? What’s your strategy about it is what comes up a word I don’t like you don’t like discipline. I don’t like the word cope. And to me, I’m like, well, at least maybe, maybe for a short period of time, you can cope, put it over there, and then come back. But, but a coping pattern. I know they’re useful. I don’t know why I have a trigger to that. But that’s okay. You just kind of go with the flow.
Cassandra LeClair 33:12
Well, I think the thing with coping No, I’m right there with you is that, you know, coping mechanisms serve. They serve a purpose for when they’re needed. But so often, then we, we hang on to them, the thing that made us feel safe and helped us cope in the moment, then that becomes the thing that we don’t let go of, and coping mechanisms are wonderful, but they are not needed across every situation all the time. And if they are, then we have something bigger to look at. Right? So yeah, from my own personal link to that was something that was so damaging to me, is I held on to those coping mechanisms. And I just allowed them to become part of my personality, but they weren’t really needed anymore. And so really being able to understand, like you said, when to put something on the shelf and leave it there, and when to put it on the shelf and then not constantly stare and look at and think about it because it’s over there. And it’s okay, and I can pick it back up when and if I need it again.
Jess Dewell 34:07
You’re listening to the Bold Business Podcast. This is Dr. Cassandra LeClaire, can you see why our initial conversation turned into this? I know I’m excited all over again. We have been talking about compassion. We’ve been talking about boundaries. We’ve even been talking about words we don’t like and we’ve been talking about how do we know ourselves first, so we know how to show up in the world. And then how do we allow other people to show up in the world without taking responsibility for them? Seems like a lot. And that’s okay because we were not taught to think like this. We are now having these conversations more and more. And the only way to normalize something the only way to get curious about it. The only way to understand how I could benefit from the conversation we’re having today is by listening with an open mind being a student at some level. Maybe you’re on a journey and you’re like oh, this is great. It sidetracks for me to stop and hang out. Maybe you’re at the beginning of your journey in recognizing, oh, when it comes to my emotional intelligence, this or that. Great. You’re on this journey. You’re here with Dr. Cassandra Clare and I, and I’m glad you’ve been listening so far. On the Bold Business Podcast, you know that this is part of the Fast Track Your Business today program. And here’s the deal. Those of you who are already part of the program, you know where to go to get the rest of this interview on your True North dashboard. Those of you who are like I have to hear more of what Dr. LeClaire is saying, You know what to do, go to Fast Track Your Business today.com And find out more.
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