Program 215 – Hidden Impact

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Starting the conversation…

What is the real hidden impact of vices – of addictions – in our relationships and our career?

Host: Jess Dewell
Guest: Kirk M Samuels

What You Will Hear:

The language of avoidance, and project who wee want people to see.

When you know you are authentic the more real conversations are.

Become better with transitions.

Story of the mountaintop: experience equals perspective.

What your responsibility to speak up.

Listen around the situation.

Work on your own blindspots, habits, addictions.

The normal you want.

The action to start change over time.

Course corrects come from small changes.

Set up your blindspot indicators.

Something is the best thing to do.

Men have emotional strength and bring it to the table more.

It is BOLD to seek out and face our vices?

Notable and Quotable:

Jess Dewell 2:52
We might be actually avoiding looking at some things in our life that are holding us back when we call them blind spots, because they’re actually bigger than that.

Kirk M Samuels 3:57
We all have blind spots, none of us are pretty. To admit that they’re there, the obvious, and that’s the most important step.

Kirk M Samuels 4:42
We’re all dealing with stuff, every single day. And it’s not until we get real with that, and it’s not until we are able to connect with that and just be transparent with that, that we begin to live the most authentic versions of ourselves.

Kirk M Samuels 4:57
People want authenticity on a personal level, whether it’s business or personal relationships, whatever it is, people want authenticity.

Kirk M Samuels 6:32
The more authentic I am, the more real I am, the more in touch with that I am, the more I attract people that are my tribe.

Kirk M Samuels 6:56
I love who I am, although I recognize that what I am is a work in progress.

Kirk M Samuels 10:21
You have to get to the point where we become better, or at least more comfortable with the transitional nature of life. Every single relationship you have is going to end one day, every single relationship, because if nothing else, one of you are going to die.

Kirk M Samuels 10:56
There are some customers or clients that you have that you don’t want, or you don’t nee. There more of a drag, then there a benefit to you.

Kirk M Samuels 14:33
Sometimes it’s going to be a good day. Sometimes it’s going to be a bad day. But you got to understand that every mountain is surrounded by valleys. And every valley is surrounded by mountains. So if you’re in a valley in life, you just keep going. And at some point, you’re going to be climbing that next mountain to get to that mountain top. And if you’re on a mountain top one day, understand that you’re surrounded by valleys. And if you keep going, you’re going to find yourself at some point in the valley. But no one lives at the top of the mountain.

Kirk M Samuels 15:04
When you get to the top of the mountain, you look down and you actually realize that all of the vegetation, all of the greenery is in the valleys. Like that’s where the water flows. There’s nothing living at the top of a mountain.

Kirk M Samuels 15:22
Everybody wants that mountaintop experience, but it’s pretty barren and isolated up there. When you get up there, and you realize that everything that’s fruitful, is in the valleys.

Kirk M Samuels 15:31
You gotta get better at appreciating those valleys in life and say, “Man, I’m growing right now. I’m learning right now, I’m building a muscle right now that I wouldn’t have gotten had I not been in this valley.”

Kirk M Samuels 16:03
The only finish line is when your face up in a box. Otherwise, life is a journey. And that journey is the destination of life.

Jess Dewell 16:19
I think going to the top of the mountains is really important because we don’t wnat to get lost in the weeds. And at the same point in time, we recognize that there are things that we put up with, or choose not to see, because it’s actually easier to exist with those around us.

Kirk M Samuels 19:26
The cool part about getting to the mountaintop experiences, when you do climb those mountains and you get up there, you do gain perspective.

Kirk M Samuels 19:54
You have a view, you have a perspective that you don’t have in the valleys from the mountaintops. And that’s the beautiful part about being in the mountain.

Kirk M Samuels 20:07
By nature, blind spot means you don’t have the view, you don’t have the perspective. And so we have to be aware that perspective is very important.

Kirk M Samuels 20:51
The transition from high to low ,the transition from mountain to valley, from the high level, it involves perspective. And on the low level in those valleys it involves growth.

Kirk M Samuels 21:04
Growth happens when you’re in the place where you can’t necessarily see everything. I can’t see my way out of this. And when you get out of it, and when you get the perspective, then you can say ” Wow, look at how far I’ve come. Look at the journey that I’ve done that can celebrate that. I’m awesome. I am don’t look at what I just did.”

Kirk M Samuels 24:25
Management position, whatever you want to call it, whatever their fatal flaw is, will come back at some point to bite them.

Kirk M Samuels 26:05
You can’t change people, and there may be toxic people that you need to move out of your life, or allow them to transition out of your life.

Kirk M Samuels 26:23
You have to own your life, if you will, in terms of what you will allow in and out of your life, in terms of people and toxicity, and kind of what you will or will not allow in your circle.

Jess Dewell 26:43
We always have a choice to walk away. Yet, for whatever reason that ability to walk away carries greater risk and detriment in the moment now.

Kirk M Samuels 27:21
You have to be the most authentic version of you as you can be. And that means, you have to get rid of everything in your personal life that is excess, that is baggage.Whatever it is, that’s your brick holding down your balloon, you have to get rid of. And whether that’s an addiction, whether that’s a habit, whatever you want to call it, but whatever that thing is that’s in your life that’s keeping you from being the most awesome, the most adult person you can be, you’ve got to get rid of tha. Once you get you straight. that’s where you talked about the inside versus the outside. You got to start with the inside.

Kirk M Samuels 28:12
Most of your questions and most of your answers are all in the mirror.

Kirk M Samuels 28:18
When you look in that mirror, all of your problems and solutions begin right there. And then once you start there, then the rest of your world will begin to reflect itself.

Kirk M Samuels 28:32
You got to love yourself before you love anybody else. You got to take care of yourself before you can take care of anybody else.

Kirk M Samuels 30:05
We can’t control everything in our lives. We don’t have complete control over our lives. But we have more control than we think we do.

Kirk M Samuels 30:12
Sometimes you have to ask the question, is this the normal that I want? And if it’s not the normal that you want, then what do I need to do to fix this or to make this the normal that I want?

Kirk M Samuels 30:46
I like to say, “Sometimes you find yourself at the end of your rope, only to discover that it’s the beginning of your fuse.”

Kirk M Samuels 30:54
Sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom in order to figure out, “Okay, this is it. Here comes my theme music.”

Kirk M Samuels 31:53
Kaizen is a Japanese term. It’s a manufacturing term, meaning, “small measurable change projected out over time.”

Kirk M Samuels 31:54
What we like to do in our culture, particularly in America, is we like to make huge change. We like to see immediate 180 degree turn around now. And large change is not sustainable.

Kirk M Samuels 32:17
I think it’s a lot easier also to wrap your head around a small change. Like “I’m just going to do this small thing. But I’m going to keep doing that day after day, month over month, year after year,” as opposed to “Okay, I’m going to go to the gym and I’m just going to get SWoh, you know, I’m going to go today, I’m going to go join CrossFit. Next, you know, maybe in the CrossFit Games in California next year.”

Kirk M Samuels 33:45
As far as implementing change in our life, don’t try to huge stuff. Let’s just make one small little change. And let’s do that for a week, or a month and see how that goes.

Kirk M Samuels 35:23
You can’t turn a blind eye to the blind spot. Or you’re going to end up getting T-boned at an intersection.

Kirk M Samuels 36:30
A great blind spot indicator is your physical at your doctor.

Jess Dewell 40:13
Act to plan, because sometimes we don’t know. And we can be hypothetical, and situational. And what if being our way to avoidance and a new normal, and our excuses can easily take over in that scenario.

Kirk M Samuels 40:30
Excuses are tools of in competence, and they build monuments of nothingness.

Kirk M Samuels 40:44
Excuses don’t get you anything but regrets at the end.

Kirk M Samuels 42:16
In order to have a well rounded conversation, you gotta have different sides of different perspectives. You got to have all sides of the issue, or all sides of the viewpoint.

Kirk M Samuels 42:35
We’re always better when we have more input. We’re always better when we have more perspective. We’re always better when we kind of look at things from a different perspective.

Kirk M Samuels 42:57
Where everyone in the room looks like us is probably not going to end up too well. We’re probably going to end up with a lot of groupthink, and we’re probably going to end up only speaking externally to one perspective.

Kirk M Samuels 46:07
It takes boldness and guts to look in the mirror. It takes boldness and guts to look at your blind spot. It takes boldness and guts to look at your weaknesses and different level of boldness, different level of authenticity, to be able to look at your weaknesses and vulnerabilities in your blind spots and to be able to address those

Resources:

Tags:

vulnerability, communication, professionalism, growth, awareness, diversity, clarity, impact

What is the real hidden impact of vices – of addictions – in our relationships and career?

The struggle of addiction is real, and may be closer than we think. When people (including ourselves) try to hide something from others, there is a toll. An erosion of personal self-esteem as well as facing our deepest fears around belonging (or not). Jess Dewell talks candidly with Kirk M Samuels about how our vices have hidden impact.

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