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Host: Jess Dewell
Guest: Justin Patton
Top three things we must know to communicate effectively.
A personal story about when it crystalized that what we do and say has impact.
What made you interested in personal and professional presence?
Slow down enough to get it right.
Communicating is uncomfortable.
It is up to you to be seen and heard the way you want to be seen and heard.
Time is required to build communication and relationship trust.
Audience Question: How do we know that we communicate effectively?
Live Audience Question: If communication is uncomfortable, how can we be clear but not rude?
THE one trait that holds every leader back.
Where action fits into the results equation.
Look just far enough forward: determine the right next step for forward movement.
Quick insiders look at Justin’s book, “A Bold New You.”
Stay curious and be open information from many sources.
Live Audience Question: I often try so hard not to hurt someone in conversation that I often come as someone who doesn’t have confidence. I don’t know how to change that. Any tips?
Live Audience Question: Please tell me I don’t have to like those I work with. If so, then how do I still manage people?
It’s BOLD to communicate for impact.
Justin Patton 2:57
I find that sometimes we get so caught up and trying to you analyze people, and read everyone else’s body language, that we’re not really paying attention to maybe the best practices, or staying true to how we want to be perceived.
Justin Patton 3:43
When people talk about you, what are the three words you hope they say? And then once you’re clear about those three words, is to be able to say, “You know what? Then how does my body language, or the words that I use, are my intensity, all of that, helped me be more of that individual?”
Justin Patton 4:00
The core of all communication is just self awareness. How do we over time and experience just really cultivate stronger self awareness, and who we are, and how to also read other people as well?
Justin Patton 6:47
Elizabeth Gilbert has this quote that I just love. She says, “The most interesting moment of a person’s life is what happens to them when all their certainties go away, then who do you become?”
Justin Patton 9:47
If you ever want to be a great leader of other people, you better first be a great leader of yourself.
Justin Patton 10:57
It’s easy to show up our best self when things are going well. We’re here today. We’re having fun. It’s easy for me to communicate effectively. But what do I do when the person cuts me off from the car? What do I do when the person gets my order wrong? Or they’re just rude? Or my perception is they’re inconsiderate? How do I show up then? That’s my character. That’s when it matters.
Justin Patton 11:27
Our job and communication is not always get it right. But when we don’t get it right, do we slow down long enough to make it right?
Justin Patton 11:44
And our job is to wake up and stop being a sleepwalker, and recognize that when we don’t get it right, we can stop at any moment it’s hard to make it right.
Jess Dewell 12:20
When we shut down, we just automatically go at arm’s length. That doesn’t help anything. And that actually makes the next step of conversation, the one that we have to have when we actually have to fess up, maybe apologize. That makes it harder.
Justin Patton 14:45
What makes communication effective is clarity. And often getting to that clarity is uncomfortable. And it’s not easy, and it doesn’t feel good. It challenges us to take risk. And to say, I’m sorry, I should have talked to that when I got it wrong.
Justin Patton 15:26
Our clarity of our thoughts, clarity of our feelings, all drive action. It might not always be the action we want, but clarity will always lead to action. And when we have that we know the next right answer.
Justin Patton 16:08
No one is coming to save you. No one is coming to save you and your relationship. No one’s coming to save you as a leader. No one’s coming to save you and your job. And so part of it is, we have to save ourselves. And that starts with self awareness.
Justin Patton 30:30
From a coaching perspective, we know that thoughts lead to feelings, feelings lead to actions. You do the action until your mindset catches up with the boldness of your action.
Justin Patton 30:55
They start to do the actions, they start to see the results. And the moment they start the benefits, they’re like, “Huh, this is actually working.” And then they start to change their thoughts. And when that happens, everything else starts to change.
Justin Patton 32:35
The people that play small in life, they don’t take action. And/or they put it off, or they excuse themselves out of their own greatness, and excuse themselves make all the excuses of why they can’t go to the gym, or why they can’t get the promotion, or why they can’t go back to school. At some point, you stop making excuses for yourself.
Justin Patton 33:06
We all know the next right answer. You know, when it’s time to stay in the job. You know, when it’s time to leave. You know, when you feel in your intuition, when it’s time to invest back in your relationship, because you’ve kind of gotten away from it. Or I want to go back to school. You always know the right next step.
Justin Patton 33:24
I always honored the next right step. And anytime I got to that point where it didn’t feel right, I said “Okay, what’s the next right step?” And then I got the clarity I needed, and I took action. And then I just took it as far as it could go. And then what happened? The next right answer would come up as well.
Justin Patton 33:59
What it disservice we do, especially kids going to school. What do you want to do the rest of your life? We lock people in. They feel like, “If I change it, I’m not good enough.” Or this isn’t appropriate.
Justin Patton 34:17
I want you to have a vision. And I do want you to have goals for your organization or for yourself. What is your vision for how you want to be perceived as a leader? But at the end of the day, what is the next right step for helping me be more of that?
Jess Dewell 34:58
Nintendo started out making card games to bring generations together in the 1800s. I don’t think people understand that they existed before console.
Justin Patton 35:31
Most often we can always go back. Or I can make another next right answer.
Justin Patton 35:39
To me it’s all about forward movement. And if you’re at a place in your life, where you feel stagnant. My challenge to you is, “What is the next right answer for you? And how do you do that? And what does that look like to help move you forward?”
Jess Dewell 36:15
Sometimes we don’t know what we don’t know, and when we’re willing to embrace that, that’s also an element of self awareness.
Justin Patton 37:29
Servant leadership, to me is about a people first mindset. I’m part of that equation too. And I don’t remove myself from that equation. I’m always going to be there for other people, but I’m not going to do it at the jeopardy of me, because when I hurt myself in the process, now I don’t show it best for you.
Justin Patton 39:25
Whether it’s a partner, a family member or friends, you do need truth tellers that you can check in with to ask, “Are you seeing a difference?”
Justin Patton 40:20
Celebrate the small wins.
Justin Patton 40:38
When you make one decision to take a little bit better care of yourself, celebrate it. Be proud of yourself. Learn to give yourself your own validation. Because what we do is we manipulate and use other people to give what we don’t give ourselves. And part of what we need to do is learn to start filling our bucket a little bit ourselves. It’s great. I do think other people should do that as well. But we don’t have to rely on it to feel whole. That’s the difference.
Justin Patton 41:38
I studied “A Course in Miracles” and it talks about, “When the teacher is ready, the students will come.” And I believe that. And the teacher is the student. We’re both.
Justin Patton 42:02
We know one of the biggest ways to get over ego, is just a curious.
Justin Patton 42:08
When my ego gets in check, or when I start being judgy, or I start doing these behaviors, my number one thing, if you want an action is to stay curious. Stay curious about, “I wonder why that person reacted that way? I wonder why my partner feels that way?” Versus getting so stuck in my opinion, that now I got to be right, and I have to defend it. What would happen if we were just more curious than anything.
Justin Patton 44:17
We know as coaches, we always say, “Your power lies in your ability to choose.” And the moment we take that away from anyone, we strip them up their power.
Justin Patton 45:05
There are four powers on your body that display power. It’s your neck dimple, your torso, your naughty bits, and your feet. And when you can keep all of those open, I don’t have to speak super quickly. I don’t have to be intense, but I’m calm and collected. That comes across as confident. And do you know in the moments that you need to be that type of person, how to show up that way?
Justin Patton 46:18
In management, there are four fundamentals. Number one is to build authentic relationships. Number two, is to set clear expectations. Three is to coach for performance. And number four, is to recognize what is right.
Justin Patton 46:52
In coaching, they say this, “I see in you what I refuse to see in myself, and so I don’t like you for it. I see in other people what I refuse to see in myself, and so I don’t like them for it.” And what I find is when you show up with compassion and empathy, I don’t always agree with your decisions, but sometimes I get based on how you were raised, based on your level of awareness, why you do what you do.
Justin Patton 48:21
There’ll be two types of leaders. That leader that only cares about results and gets them at any cost, or the leaders that get results through people. That is fundamentally a different way that we lead people. And you get to decide, “Am I the leader that only leads through these transactional interactions? Or am I going to focus on building relationships, so that can create trust, that I can create influence, and hopefully get more done in the long run. That decision impacts culture, engagement, everything.
Justin Patton 49:10
If went into all of your companies today, or organizations, and I looked at your performance reviews, if there is nothing on the performance review about how people get results, that company is rewarding bad behavior. Because what they’re saying is, “We don’t care how you got them, as long as you get the results. That’s all we care about.” And they will reward bad behavior. And then what happens is we keep promoting those people all the way up the ladder. And then we’re in workshops, wondering why culture is so bad, or why engagement is bad. Because you rewarded that behavior in your organization.
Justin Patton 50:05
So what we allow, we encourage, in our personal relationships, or professionally. When we don’t hold people accountable for coming into work on time, they say, “Okay, I can do this. I can get away with it.” When they snap back at people in meetings, and don’t take people with them, or they’re overly assertive and we let them off the hook, they think, “I can do this.”
Justin Patton 50:37
If you want to change your life and change the way that you lead, it takes both confidence and courage. And that to me is bold.
Justin Patton 50:48
Some people are not going to like the bold new version of you. When you start showing up more confident. Or you start showing up and say, You don’t get to talk to me that way.” Or should I start setting more boundaries. Sometimes those people need to fall away, so better opportunities can come.
uncertainty, self awareness, clarity, communication, responsibility, action, emotional intelligence, growth
What does executive presence look and sound like?
Communicating for impact requires specific skills. Such as, the personal awareness necessary to craft a message that is complete and able to be willingly received by your audience. Jess Dewell talks with international impact performance speaker Justin Patton about how to communicate for impact.
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